How Lindsay is Saving Print Media

Politics, Pop Culture

Desperate times call for desperate measures. In an era where print media needs something — anything — to sell their stories and space, Lindsay Lohan graciously extends her freckled forearm to the fourth estate.

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Ronson broke it off with her girlfriend of nearly two years last Friday, and hired five security guards to keep Lohan out of an afterparty for her sister Charlotte at the Chateau Marmont. (Lohan was staying directly one floor above the Ronsons with her mom Dina and sister Ali.)

The next day, Ronson changed the locks on the Hollywood Hills home she shared with Lohan. On Monday, Ronson’s mom and sister asked police about obtaining a restraining order against Lohan, Beverly Hills Sgt. Nutall confirms to Us.

Everything shifts down: online took over print journalism, so print journalism is taking over grocery store novels — the point is, it sells. I feel like I’ve seen something like this before … weather starting to heat up, like the tumultuous tales of Hollywood Kids … hotels, parties, johnny law, haters … breakups leading to breakdowns … leading to …

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“That is one of her best characteristics,” agrees Lutfi. He turns to me. “Her big thing with me is that she doesn’t want me defending her against anything fake in the magazines. But she understands that’s the way they make their money, because it’s the way she made hers too. She really doesn’t care anymore.”

He thinks for a moment. “You know, this is so much more than a magazine article — we’ve been doing dictation, she’s been telling me her story, and I’ve been writing it all down. It would make a great book!”

A world without Britney, where she is set aside in rehab or a psychiatric center, is hard to contemplate: Seventy-five paps gather around the entrances to Britney’s gated community. These guys are jaded after all that’s happened. “Man, Britney can’t die, because then I don’t get my money!”

Making money is easy as pie: Just turn people into profitable products for the press, the predatory paparazzi, and the perusing public. It’s almost too easy. The only rule is they can’t die; you just have to make them crazy enough to make them wish they were dead — it makes for good viewing.

Britney’s tale was literally unbelievable — watchable because it was insanely car-wreckish, and reflective of the viewing public’s environment: “She’s the perfect celebrity for America in decline: Like President Bush, she just doesn’t give a fuck, but at least we won’t have to clean up after her mess for the rest of our lives.”

Even if it doesn’t bring out the best in her, Lindsay’s breakup reflects a more socially-conscious America — silver-lining … maybe?

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One where pop and politics can come together for the public good. People who would be otherwise disinterested in legislation can look to Lindsay’s woes to keep up with inside-the-beltway water-cooler talk. Perez Hilton and Pat Buchanan debating gay-marriage, I can see it now.

One thing’s for sure: crazy sells more print than Kinko’s.

For the record though, I’m banking on Cady pulling through — she broke The Plastics … The Plastics; that’s like making Thriller — you can’t deny it.

Watch this space: Martyrdom is a funny thing — another one that politics and pop share.  There are those political martyrs that go down for the sake of society’s souls, and there are those pop martyrs that go down for the sake of society’s entertainment — or just go down … ladies first.

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When Owen Wilson was hospitalized in August after an apparent suicide attempt, his plight was the subject of a single US Weekly cover story. Not so Britney Spears, recently confined in a psychiatric ward, who has inspired six cover stories for the magazine during the same time span.

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