10 reasons why we can’t let our kids – or ourselves – “Get Schooled” by Obama

So, if you haven’t heard by now 1.) how’s life under that rock treating you? 2.) Barack Obama is going to take time out of his uberbusy schedule of actually doing things presidents do – y’know being an active president, it means actively presiding over the country – namely making your kids aware of the importance of a quality education, and engaging them to pursue said education (which relates – but is not directly correlated – to Viacom’s “Get Schooled” campaign, though Obama will be appearing with King James for the special). I know what you’re thinking, “How dare the elected leader of my country talk to my kids about their education?! I’ve spent years not caring about their scholastic endeavors: opting for book burnings instead of book fairs, enjoying a PBR – or twelve – in front of my JVC instead of attending PTA meetings, letting Lupita the maid immerse John and Jane in authentic conversational Spanish during my Botox follow-ups instead of going over their foreign language homework, playing them the timeless prose of George W. Bush – via Bushisms on tape — before bedtime instead of reading liberal-tree-hugging propaganda like Goodnight Moon, etc. all for our ‘President’ to wipe those years away with one fell swoop? In the name of ‘their best interests?'” Shameful. I’ll tell you one thing: I don’t have kids but if I did – I’d probably have a lot more empathy for Bristol Palin, but more importantly – I would be right there with the thousands of parents protesting. Here’s ten reasons why:

10.) Your child just got over Swine Flu, the last thing you need is for Jimmy to catch “Schooled” – whatever that is.

9.) It’s probably an underground ploy to get your kids excited about being dependents on the family’s non-existent health insurance plan. Which, in turn, opens up Pandora’s Box of questions about why you don’t want reform, etc. Pretty sneaky, sis – no dice, Obama.

8.) Sitting on a couch with a concealed weapon just doesn’t trigger the same adrenaline rush as sitting in a town hall meeting with one.

7.) Your name is Shanneen Barron, you’re on CNN, and you’re scared and you’re thinking about it — brainwashing: it’s scary, think about it:

“Thinking about my kids in school having to listen to that just really upsets me. I’m an American. They are Americans, and I don’t feel that’s OK. I feel very scared to be in this country with our leadership right now.”

6.) You’re Minnesota Governor-slash-self-appointed-2012-GOP-Presidential-nominee Tim Pawlenty, you’ve heard of the internet, and you can count to three: “At a minimum it’s disruptive. Number two, it’s uninvited. And number three, if people would like to hear his message they can, on a voluntary basis, go to YouTube or some other source and get it. I don’t think he needs to force it upon the nation’s school children.”

5.) Not that you want it, or care – 21st century Betty Draper – but if you ever did need educational guidance, Jenna Bush is more than equipped to offer sound advice once-a-month on NBC’s Today … although you really wish she would reconsider transferring to Fox News

4.) Unless Obama can tell your kids how to graduate Smothered Covered Laude from Waffle House University, you don’t need anymore delays in an additional paycheck. Please, in this economy: tuition or hourly wages, debatable investment or dependable income, student loans or steak and eggs – WHU here we come!

3.) You don’t need Barack telling your twins how to succeed; doesn’t he know your boys? George Walker and No Child, on the fast track to the presidency – getting left behind one grade at a time.

2.) It took 16 years for your son to learn about intelligent design, northern aggression, manifest destiny, and the litany of undeniable life truths – that’s 15 years and 359 days longer than it took to create the universe! Only for Barack to take him back to square one, teaching him how to spell socilism and whatnot…

1.) Real talk: your president is black, no one said anything about your kids’ principals – or their principles, that’s all you. Thanks papa Barack but no thanks.

Watch this space: I don’t think I’ve been this confused in a quite awhile. America never ceases to amaze me. First health care, now education; basic necessities, rights, formerly taken for granted and thus taken away. Now we have a chance to regain those rights, but each step forward – proposed policy change and reform – results in twenty steps back. I suppose Americans aren’t used to transparency, or the ability to voice our opinions on issues affecting us. Now we have progressive legislation on the table, and positive change viably on the horizon. I guess we’re either skeptical – like children burned one too many times, and unaware of a fair deal when it’s presented (a la “I don’t understand why you’re being so nice to me; so, I’m gonna keep acting tough until I figure out your tactics) – or we’re just so excited about the chance to rebel that we rebel, even – and especially – if we would benefit from whatever it is we are vocally opposing. Either way, ignorance doesn’t help; and the media propagating said nonsense is definitely a snake in my boot.  I don’t know if it’s global warming or the GOP, but this summer had some of the hottest air in recent history. This country is to Barack what Lindsay Lohan is to Peter Griffin: the omnipresent entity sparking the question and answer, “What do you want? Tell me what you want! I’ll tell you what you want: nothing.” Education is necessary. Barack Obama’s speech to the nation’s student body – and “Get Schooled” for that matter — should be watched by everyone, if only because they hit on “the one thing you’ll never learn in school: how important school is.” The UNCF says a mind is a terrible thing to waste, Dan Quayle said a waste is a terrible thing to mind; here we venture through the 21st century, somehow dragging our heels between the stark reality of both.


  1. I don’t know why you don’t like your President caring about your children’s education. Over here in the UK we’d kill to get our PM to care about education. Blair came in saying “education, education, education” but then did nolthing much about it.

  2. i applaud you anonymousteenager — standing ovation, in fact. i completely agree with you, education is of paramount importance. the post/list was completely sarcastic until the post-script. in any event, you made my day — cheers. thx for commenting!

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