Welcome to VMA 2011: no host, west coast, teenage dreams, saccharin-infused schemes – welcome to the odd future #bonjournaggers
At this juncture it’s safe to say we’re all slaves to the throne… some of us, say it better than others #namelythus That said, it’s safer to say we’re all slaves to a throne of indentured servants, who may or may not even belong at said royal table… #kanyeshrugsandotherthugs Who says you can’t ball out when the bottom falls out? Not America – because these colors don’t run; but if not these colors running the world – then who? #girls That said, every court needs a jester, or Jordan #jacksontyson #takeyourpick #six so for this year’s VMAs – the world is a soundstage, the stars are in the building, and amidst the bevy of deafeningly adamant ambiguity we have a soundtrack to keep the beat right on par with said backdrop: VMA 2011 EP – Welcome to the Beautiful Dark Twisted Sunset Boulevard of Golden Schemes and Silver Screens…
Blinkkit: “We’re going to skate to one song, and one song only.” This year the throne came home – and by home I mean industry royalty reflected “those ones.” You know… the ones who shouldn’t have been here at all – The Help that helped themselves to a seat at the table. When banks are broke, the broke make bank #namely.
We have Hov and Yeezy, both the bumrusher and the bumrushed from 2009 – back with a vengeance. We have Britney #thatstearsnotglitter Spears – forever back from 2007, off the heels of 2008‘s reign, and still… still letting you hold it against her that she allowed you to hold her down for so long. Britney, Kanye, and Jay-Z: three the “Parisian, please” way. Hailing from Los Angeles by way of Kentwood, Southside Chicago by way of Atlanta, and Manhattan by way of Marcy – these three are why you lock your doors at night, why Tipper brought Parental Advisory labels to light, and the embodiment of Naggers in Paris, chimps on the Champs, the low-brow to which you cow-tow #taxbreakandpaytribute – the American definition of fright.
Hov balled so hard, he’s shocked too; Britney bald so hard, she cut the crew; Yeezy walled so hard, he throned you, all supposed to be locked up too – if you escaped what they escaped: you’d be in your house getting throwned out too. Yet… still all slaves to the throne. All three are slaves to their own power, their own success, and therein lies the throne of indentured servitude… it is the detachment, the ego, the gold, the glitz, the glam, the superhuman persona keeping the hierarchy from humanity that is their debt. Abstract theory notwithstanding, the blood of the hustler, the blood of the bayou, the blood of the college dropout is what fuels the throne… and in that reality – the lasting pantheon of social prominence is a place none of those kings or queens will ever feel at home – for everything else: there’s making lies truths.
Who run the world? Girls – or a man #duh: Beyonce’s “Run the World” was the red-deaded stepchild of the Beyonce single discography. It was danceable, fun, bombastic, hard, highly-anticipated #withinsomecapacity – but overall it was a bit… not. Yes, she runs the world; yes, she will continue to run said world rhythmically through twice warmed over Major Lazer beats; does that mean she is not the female version of a hustler – no. Does that mean you weren’t dancing when the beat dropped – no; if so: “Bourgie girl, grab her hand, f-ck that, she don’t want to dance; excuse my French, but I’m in France… I’m just sayin’…” #yeezytaughtme #stoptelenaggingshe
Adele is a musician; she sings, she has tone, timbre, a certain soul, a slightly nonchalant coolly refined air, she’s a Grammy kind of girl, she is proof that you don’t have to be Hollywood to make it in America – she’s the Anti-VMA. She’s rolling in mob bloody deep naggers, knickers, chairs, and cheerios in tow.
Then… we have Katy Perry dominating the field with ten nominations, instant laurel-riding her record-tying fifth number one single from a solo album, Kitty Purry sets the standard for conventional success and industry prominence. Substituting musicianship for marketing, authenticity for ear candy, and garage glamorous for genericana – she sits atop the billboard throne (“Oh, I absolutely love what you’ve done with the place – the queen of spades was a great choice for drywall, and is that foundation made of jokers? This card castle is truly a home.”) #gameofthrones #houseofcards #myswaggernaggerisfromparis …
Last Friday night: yeah we maxed our credit cards, and got kicked out of the bar – so we hit the boulevard. Last Friday night: we went streaking in the park, skinny dipping in the dark, then had a menage a trois. Last Friday night, yeah I think we broke the law – always say we’re gonna stop… This Friday night, do it all again.
Lyrical naggadocio… that is sitting face to face with this
She likes the boys in the band
She knows when they come to town
Every musician’s fan after the
curtain comes down
She waits at backstage doors
For those who have prestige
Who promise fortune and fame
A life that’s so carefree
She’s says that’s ok
Hey baby do what you want
I’ll be your night lovin’ thing
I’ll be the freak you can taunt
And I don’t care what you say
I want to go too far
I’ll be your everything
If you make me a star
One: the “Teenage Dream” realized, is functioning society’s demise, and the American scheme fantasized #letsdoitallagaintomakesurewediditwrongthefirsttime – “Guess who’s movin’ on up from the west side? Low Brow!” #goldencoastsandgruffygoats Two: Perry’s best is Michael on a BAD day #literally #youdontevengohere
Speaking of Pop… it’s True Blue’s 25th Anniversary – so: on behalf of Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, and the rest of the former-and-forever royalty, Cee-lo would like to say – forget you, time after time.
The heavyhitters came through this year a bit lackluster on the conventional tip – GaGa with three nominations here, a few noted Summer singles there, a rainbow of hair… Britney went hard in the paint #inasinglemotheroftwokindofway but despite Femme Fatale, “Hold It Against Me,” “Till The World Ends,” “I Wanna Go,” and a tour with Nicki Minaj, featuring Pauly D, and a Yeezy cameo to boot – she remains the shell of a former snake charmer. Spears’ live shows remind us of what once was; and now – we pay tribute to the past, in movement towards the future… Lucky’s latest moonman wasn’t made for launching. MTV went M.I.A. on Rihanna, like their name was, well, Rihanna on the set of “Rude Boy.”
GaGa… on the heels of eight wins last year, comes back in 2011 with three nominations: yes – three. Three is being technical, two is being realistic (back in my day, videos had messages – we didn’t need a VMA congratulating people on making a coherent video that made me go “Hm, I guess they didn’t spend their advance check at Forever 21 and the Apple Store.”). That said, GaGa is opening the show because – This:
Oh, about the nominations… show up, show out, and show why “Bad Romance” means “I don’t have time, patience, reason, or room on my mantelpiece for #peasantries;” because – The Other:
Raising glasses to Rivington Rebels, bottle popping at the podium before the first trophy is awarded: Watch the Clockwork Orange County Coup #shewillstaynagging
Watch This Space: Sit at the table, get gilded, Louvre the lush life, and enjoy the evening conversation. Hold it against me: I’m about to go double trouble on this holly-baked ham; oh, and guess who’s coming to dinner? Gorillas in chinchillas #myjokeisfromparis
DOWNLOAD: Art Nouveau’s Sunset Chimps-Élysées (VMA 2011 EP)